What are the consequences when one partner feels over-idealized by another?
, assistant professor of psychology, set out to examine whether there is a limit to the benefits of feeling idealized.
Tomlinson worked with fellow psychologists Arthur Aron, Cheryl L. Carmichael, Harry T. Reis, and John G. Holmes to research “The costs of being put on a pedestal: Effects of feeling over-idealized,” a paper published in the May issue of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
Several media outlets reported on the paper, including the , , , and .
The researchers conducted three studies: the first was an experiment with 99 dating couples, the second was a survey of 89 married couples, and the third was a survey of 156 dating couples.
The studies found that relationship satisfaction suffers when people feel that they are put on a pedestal, or over-idealized, by their romantic partner. In the experiment, participants physically distanced themselves from their partners after a perceived over-idealization.
Tomlinson stressed that relationship maintenance requires a delicate balance. People were most satisfied with their relationship when there was some idealization and they believed that their partner saw them as slightly better than they saw themselves.
“While it may be tempting to provide effusive praise, I think it’s also important to communicate understanding and validation of a person’s core identity,” Tomlinson told Live Science.